then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
and i looked up. we had an audience...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
