I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
