lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
