How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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