sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
