apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
