I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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