Me too!
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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