I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Randomize
