Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
