I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Non-Jews are for practice
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
