Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
