peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
