I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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