Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
