whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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