If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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