The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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