My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
