you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
