She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
