So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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