I want to walk on stilts...naked
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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