she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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