I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
