I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
