Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
