I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Randomize
