I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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