I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
