how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
