I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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