yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You ate ashes out of my bong
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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