Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
