he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
