Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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