i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
