Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
