Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
