my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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