I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
