I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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