I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
