You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
