he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
