i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
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