The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
