How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
