Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
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