hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I woke up under a house in Key West
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
