you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
