That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
