Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
