She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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