Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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