WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
