i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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