Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
