Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
