i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
