This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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