I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
