i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
