hotel room ftw
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
